Is Klavier Gavin gay or European?
by allthatglitterisyaoi
Summary: Parody of the song "There right there" from the Legally Blonde musical. Klapollo


This needed to exist in this fandom... Sorry not sorry...

PS: I'm not a native speaker, sorry for the gramatical erors.

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Athena was walking past the rock star prosecutor when she accidentally fell. "Ouch!" She was in a rather ridiculous position, her butt standing out. She expected Klavier to be smirking at it, but she was surprised to see that he was just reading some paperwork that had been handed to him by the Chief Prosecutor.

"Uh?" She stood up and gazed him quizzically. He was a flirt, why hadn't he even made a joke about her? She decided to give it another shot: she dropped the papers she was holding. "Uuuups!" She said loud enough for him to hear and then bent to get them, making her backstage show.

"Do you need help Fraülein?" Was all that he said with a half assed look and a confused expression. "You look clumsier today".

"No thanks" the redhead answered. "I'm fine" with that she went straight to where her friends and coworkers were, Courtroom number 3. Unfortunatelly she wasn't able to see the genuine smile on Klavier's face when he remembered Apollo's "I'M FINE" shouts.

"Mr. Wright! You don't have to worry anymore! I have decisive evidence that Klavier won't date your daughter!" She grinned, knowing that what she was about to say was going to be a bomb (a bomb like in big news, not like the bomb that blew Courtroom N. 4).

"What's that 'decisive evidence'?" Asked the always serious and workaholic Edgeworth.

"Let me show you. Look at this!" She dropped her paperwork and then did the same as before, Simon turned slightly red because of said view of her leggings.

Edgeworth, being gay himself, didn't get it.

"Have you seen it?" Asked the rookie once she stood up straight again.

"See what?" Edgeworth was confused with such evidence.

"Maybe you should do it again" said Blackquill on an impulse.

"Yes please!" Juniper jumped turning very red.

"I just did the Bend and Snap in front of Klavier and nothing. Clearly he must be gay" she stated knowingly, as a matter of fact.

"You know that is a circumstantial evidence, right? You think you can prove him but you can't. You can't out this guy, if he's not gay you are going to look homophobic" as always Edgeworth was convincing.

"And we are not homophobic" backed Mr. Wright knowing beforehand the joke that was about to come "Am I right Miles?".

Prosecutor Gavin entered the room while talking on his phone smiling. "Ja Herr Forehead, meet you here in five minutes".

"Wright is right" laughed Athena, causing the gray-haired man to face-palm. "But I know I can! Look! There, right there!".

"Look at that tan, that tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh please he's gay, totally gay!" Singed Cykes.

"I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay". Edgeworth shoots back, remembering his youth in Germany.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well it's relevant to assume, that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?!" All of them stood up singing.

"Look at his coiffed and crispy locks" Mr. Wright inquired.

"Look at his silk translucent socks" stated Trucy.

"That's the eternal paradox. Look what we are seeing?" Edgeworth was unamused.

"What are we seeing?" Asked the convinced young girl.

"Is he gay?" Miles hold the word for too long and Athena snapped.

"Of course he's gay!"

"Or European!?" That sentence shut everybody up and they sat down again sighing.

"Ooooh... gay or European? Is hard to guarantee... is he gay or European?" All of them looked at Phoenix.

"Well, hey don't look at me!" The defense attorney said.

"You see, they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports! They play peculiar sports, in shinny shirts and tiny shorts!" Detective Fulbright got into the song, being followed by the whole cast.

"Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks!" they all seemed so desperate to know the answer to such a question. "They both say things like 'Ciao bella' while they kiss you on both cheeks" they even made the two kisses thing to the air.

"Oh please!" the woman in yellow whined.

"Gay or European? So many shades of grey!" were they even dancing? Yes they were… Klavier was watching them amused. All that racket just to find out that? They could have asked.

"Depending on the time of day the French go either way" everybody turned to see Jean Armstrong coming out of nowhere.

"Is he gay or European or-" they kept singing but were interrupted by no other than Franciska von Karma.

"There, right there!" she flicked her whip at Athena, who hid behind Mr. Wright in an attempt of using him as a shield. "Look at that condescending smirk, seen it on every guy at work, that is a metro, hetero jerk. This guy's not gay, I say no way". She also took her time whipping poor Klavier who squealed.

"That is the elephant in the room. Well it's relevant to presume, that a hottie in that costume is automatically, radically, ironically, chronically, certainly, flirtingly, genetically, medically…?" They stood up as every one of them used a different adjective.

"Gay! Officially gay! Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay…" they were so concentrated on the song that they didn't notice that Klavier was standing beside Trucy. He suddenly kissed her on the hand, earning a "Damn it" from everybody. It was way too fun to mess with them seriously.

"Gay or European? So stylish and relaxed…" Mr. Edgeworth noted.

"Is he gay or European? I think his chest is waxed" claimed Ema out of nowhere.

"But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse if he wears a kilt or bears a purse" Miss von Karma protested while everybody stood up and danced as if they had a skirt on. Franciska had that 'foolish fools' expression while they were at it.

"Gay or just exotic, I still can't crack the code" complained Fulbright, he could only trust in justice.

"Yeah, his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed!" Skye's exclamation went with a 'huh!' from everybody.

"Gay or European?" all of them sang "So many shades of gray"

"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday!" Trucy said, obtaining a 'gasp!" from Phoenix.

"Is he gay or European? Gay or European?" the court members and detectives were singing together. "Gay or Euro-"

"HOLD IT!" Mr. Wright interrupted them pointing his finger to the rock-star prosecutor. "Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try." He told Edgeworth.

"The floor is yours" Miles conceded with a hand gesture.

"So Mr. Gavin... This alleged affection to Ms. Wright has been going on for...?" he questioned with his 'overprotective dad' face.

"Since we met Herr Wright, I love all my fans" the defendant threw a kiss to the group that had been singing.

"And your first name again is?" the spiky-haired attorney shivered remembering the other Gavin he knew.

"Klavier" yes, it was 'piano' in German, and it was a little bit embarrassing.

"And your boyfriend's name is?" Nick had no idea where that was going but, oh well…

"Apollo" was the answer.

"WHAT!?" everybody shouted.

"Man that was unexpected…" said Phoenix rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry! I misunderstood. You said boyfriend. I thought you said best friend. Apollo is my best friend." Now he looked as red as all the blood shed by his brother.

"OBJECTION!" The Chords of Steel made their work and the voice was perfectly heard in the room. "This man is gay and European!" shouted Apollo from the door, earning a surprised sound from everybody. "And neither is disgrace. You gotta stop being a completely closet case" Justice walked over Klavier with his eyebrows furrowed. "It's me, not her, he's seeing. No matter what he says! I swear he never ever ever swing the other way" At this point he reached him and pulled his purpled jacket, making him stand up straight. "You are so gay! You big parfait! You flaming, on-man cabaret!"

"I'm straight!" Klavier looked around hoping that no reporter was around.

"You were not yesterday" a smug smirk covered Apollo's lips. Phoenix was late to cover Trucy's ears, oh well… "So if I may! I'm proud to say! He's gaaaaay"

"And European" everybody enchoed.

"He's gaaaaay!" using again the infamous Chords of Steel the announcement reached from Courtroom number 1 to Courtroom number 5.

"And European"

"Please, gay"

"And European and gay!"

"Fine okay, I'm gay!" the prosecutor exclaimed.

"Horay!" all of them chirped as the couple kissed, and the judge appeared.

"I hereby declare Klavier Gavin gay" and he made his gavel sound.

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That's it, like or dislike? Well, I had fun doing it.


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